PPD....worries and concerns.

Cuddles during one of my finer moments....I love this kid.

If you've been following my blog for any amount of time (especially after Thaddeus was born), you know I suffered from PPD with him.  After about a year, I quit my meds.  While I never felt like my old self mentally (I 100% believe my brain chemistry chained and after having a kid I developed adult on-set ADD), I did feel like I could "manage."  Even with all the stress this last year, I've been "managing" - sometimes better than others.  A few months ago I signed up to start seeing a therapist and that helped tremendously.

And now?  I'm feeling pretty anxious again.  With hubs getting laid off, the unknowns of the future, the impending arrival of little miss, and well, just the end of pregnancy uncomfortable-ness.....I'm feeling a little overwhelmed...a little dejected...a little anxious...and a little overwhelmed.

And all of that?  Well, it's manifested itself in me losing my patience.  BUT the worst part is, the only person really around to lose patience with is my two year old.  My beautiful, handsome, fun-loving, intelligent, two-year old.  Yet, the last three days he has pushed every button, tested every turn, and sent me yelling once or twice (or more...ugh).  And I know it's not him.  Granted, it is a little, but he's two.  He's bound to test limits.  It's me.  I'm apparently way more stressed out than I thought and sadly, it's coming out at him.

I feel horrible.

I'm not sure where to go from here.  I have an appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping Oh-wise-one can give me some guidance on how to handle my stress/anxiety.  And sadly, with the loss of E's insurance, I won't be able to see her again...and that makes me really nervous.  I was looking forward to having someone to talk to when this little ones arrives, someone to help me through the emotional weeks, someone to help me (maybe?) stave off the PPD this time around.

And now?

Now I'm not sure how things are going to go.  I'm hoping for the best, putting a lot of faith into the Lord these days, and seriously praying that good things are headed our way.  But if you could spare a few prayers for my sanity, my family, and our little girl...well, I'd appreciate it.