Life after divorce.


So what is life like after divorce?

Well, it's different.  It's good, it's bad, it's happy, it's sad.  Really, it's a roller coaster of emotion.  Each day gets a bit easier, but the divorce is still there.  The hurt and pain starts to fade, but can easily be triggered by a memory, a smell, a song, a sight. I try to focus on remembering the good things about my marriage.  We had a good run.  We were blessed with two beautiful babies.  We learned....a lot....about each others and ourselves.  That's a lot to be thankful for.

I have hopes for the future.  I have hopes that we will be able to successfully co-parent with our babies in mind, I hope that we can exists in the same world (and same space) without animosity, hate, anger, or any other negative emotions overshadowing the space/day/event.

I worry about the kids.  I worry about their mental health.  Are they confused?  Do they understand?  Do they know that no matter what happened between daddy and I, we will both always love them unconditionally?  Do they know that we both want nothing but the best for them in life?

I hope so.

I really hope so.

So for now, I will continue to hope for the future.  For good things, for understanding, for joy.  For me.

Hope.  I've got hope.

Enjoying all things fall.


The kids, the new guy, and I have been enjoying all things fall lately.  The kids are at such a great age to really get into the activities/festivities.

Last weekend, we hit up one of the local pumpkin patches and we also had a chance to pick some fresh raspberries!  In addition to the pumpkin patch visit, we've carved some pumpkins, hunted down our costumes, built costume accessories, and decorated the house for Halloween. Thaddeus has big plans to be Miles (from Miles from Tomorrowland) and Liviana is going to be a dragon - she LOVES to RAWR!

We still have a few more pumpkins to carve, a couple of recipes to make, and Christmas cards to order.

What's on your list this fall?

Making a comback.



That's how long it's been since I've blogged. Ooops!


BUT! I've been living life.  Focusing on the kids, myself, my work.  It's been great!

This summer I finally traveled out of the country for the first time!  I was extremely nervous.  I may have even emailed my parents my "last will and testament" thinking the plane was going to go down over the ocean.  Yeah, I was scared.  However, all ended well & I had a blast!

We (more on the other half of "we" later - SMILE!) traveled to Cozumel for six days and it was GLORIOUS!  We stayed at an all-inclusive resort, snorkeled to our hearts content, and traveled into the Yucatan to see the Mayan ruins.

I believe there will be a lot more traveling in my future.  In fact, my next big plans include Disney for the kids in the next two years & another adult trip to St. Lucia sometime as well.  Little man is so excited for Disney that he insists he has enough money to go "right now."  Hehe, poor kid....but what a sweetheart to want to pay for the trip.

The kids have been wonderful!  I was able to spend all summer (gotta love teaching) with my babies & I tell you what, it never gets any easier leaving them to go back to work.  I didn't want Thaddeus to attend Kindergarten yet (he's such a young 5) so both kiddos are attend St. Paul's (early childhood center) and they are LOVING it!  We've been blessed to have received a scholarship to help pay for their tuition, otherwise it would have never been an option.

So overall, lots of good things around these parts and I cannot wait to start sharing them all with you again.  This weekend the kids, the new guy, my family & I are heading out to either the local orchard or berry patch for some fall fun.  We also have to finish up our Halloween decorations and Thaddeus' costume.  Oh!  And if you have a Marcus theatre near you, be sure to check out their throwback movies this month.  Last weekend, the kids were able to see The Little Mermaid for the first time ever in theatre & this weekend I'm hoping to get them in to see 101 Dalmations.  It is so much fun being able to share these classics I loved as a kid with my little ones.

So for now, I'm signing off, but with high hopes and lots of updates ahead!

Just Be in 2015


If you follow me on Instagram, you know what I've resolved to do this year.

Just Be (#justbein2015)

What does that mean?  Well, after allllllll of the crap that went on in the last year, I've decided I need time to just be...happy, sad, excited, hopeful, upset, faithful, forgiving, and so much more.

I want to take time this year to really be in the moment, to be present with the kids, to get excited about my job again, and to find out who I am at 31.

I've already obtained a Master's degree, but I want to go back to school.  I always have.  However, I can decide if I go for a second master's, my PhD, or (and the one I'm really leaning towards these days) become an interpreter (ASL) so that I can interpret on the side and teach ASL at the high school level.  

I taught myself to crochet in December, try new fruits in January, and I'm hoping to continue this journey all year.  I want to learn things, try things, make mistakes, but enjoy everything I do.

I want to just be in 2015.

How about you?  What do you resolve to do this year?

Share your story.


After dealing with PPD and PPA (and then you know, hospitalization of kiddos, a divorce, etc.), I've had a lot of people reach out to me and thank me for sharing my story.  And now, I'd like to offer you that chance to share your story.  I'm going to start a new blog series called "Mental Health Mondays" -- and I'd like you, my readers and fellow bloggers, to share your stories.

Your story doesn't have to be relationship specific or postpartum specific...the only requirement is that it relates to your mental health.  We've all gone through ups and downs in life and we all deal with them differently.  However, I'd like for us to gain to some strength from these trying times and share our stories.  It's my hope that people will stumble across these examples and use them for strength in their own times of struggle.  I'm hope that others will realize that they are not alone.  Mental health is something that we don't always talk about, but I'm hoping that we can change that.  I'd like to help remove some of that stigma and help normalize mental health conversations.  It's ok to struggle, it's ok to get help, it's ok to share.  So please, share your story!

What are you waiting for?  Email me now!

p.s. Here's my email address for quick and easy access...see, no excuses.  =)

elffamilyblog at gmail dot com

The BEST Pumpkin Dessert Ever! {recipe}


I grew up in small town Iowa.  A graduating class of only 43.  It was awesome....and one of the best parts was the annual Thanksgiving lunch our lunch ladies made.  It was awesome!  Turkey, gravy, potatoes, and the BEST pumpkin dessert ever!  It seriously brought in members of the community - it was that good of a meal.  Before I graduated, a friend of mine and I asked the head cook for the recipe.  (And because small town folks are the best...she shared it with us.)  Since then, I have made this dessert every.single.year for Thanksgiving.

Now....I shall share this glorious dish with you.  (You're welcome in advance.) 

Pumpkin Pie Dessert
6 eggs (beat these first)
1 c. white sugar
1 large can pumpkin pie filling (3+ cups)
1/2 c. brown sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/4 tsp. cloves
1 large can evaporated milk
1 yellow cake mix
1/2 c. oleo
Mix all ingredients thoroughly.  Add and mix with evaporated milk.  Pour into buttered 9x13 pan.  Crumble 1 box of yellow cake mix and 1/2 c. oleo (do NOT melt).  Sprinkle on top of mixture in the cake pan and bake at 350* for 50-55 min. or until knife text comes out clean.

That's it!  Let that bad boy cool and serve with some whip cream.  

Ahhhhhmaaazing!  Seriously.

p.s. I store mine in the fridge...I like it cold.  You could leave yours on the counter if you'd like.  

Just be.


That's all I can manage right now.  It's been a long time...months...since I've blogged and let's be honest.  I go back and forth about keeping it up, deleting it, starting over.  In fact, I even considered starting over and then I started the process and HOLY MOLY is that a lot of work!  So for now, I may just keep this up.  I need to change things up a bit though and I still don't know that I love it, but for now ELF: A Family Blog has become Endless Little Faces.  Still at the same domain...even better.  Now, if you can come up with something awesome (as a blog name) that starts with an E and an L and an F...LET ME KNOW!  I'm all ears.

Now, for an update.  I go back forth about pouring my heart and being honest on here.  While E and I were going to divorce I don't ever want to slander him or make him seem like a terrible person because he's not.  We all have our demons though and for me to heal and get back to blogging, I think I need to be honest.

Divorce hurts.

It sucks.

It can suck the life and the happiness out of you.

So where are we?  In limbo.  He signed the papers without much of a fight (one discussion over the decree and he went off and got them notarized).  That was a punch to the gut.  Ugh.

Then a week later he asked if I still had the papers.  I did as I hadn't gotten back into the lawyer's office to drop them off.  He asked if I'd hold off for a bit, so I did.  Why?  Because I still had hope, I wanted more than anything for things to work out, but (and you knew there was a but coming didn't you?) after he moved back to town (not in with me...too weird at this point) I tried to put myself back out there, but I was scared, I was nervous, and I had lost all trust in him.

Yet I began to slowly open my heart to him again and that was shattered all over again when I discovered lies and deceit.  The lies were on-going, the deceit was situational, but shattered any trust I had built up again and closed off my heart even further.


We did what we do best.  We ignored the problems, the elephant in the room.  We lived with the status quo and made arrangements to see kids and acted cool around each other.  It's what we're good at.  And after A LOT of soul searching I realized I couldn't keep doing this dance.  If...if...we ever have a chance at getting back together someday I'm going to need it to be a fresh start.  I'm going to need the finalization of this chapter in order to close the book and forgive all of the sins we'd committed.  I can't imagine trying to repair things after how screwed up they have gotten.  I would need a clean slate.  I could forgive the things that have been done if we can close this chapter and allow ourselves to become live, to learn, to get healthy, to love that we can be awesome together again.

So I told him this.  And his world shattered.  He didn't see it.  He didn't believe it.  And I think he'd been in denial about how crappy things had been.  The ironic part is that everything he felt and experienced, I went through last spring when he dropped the bomb on me.  I never wanted him to go through that and I struggle so much in staying strong in my decision because I hate to see him hurting.  I want to fix him, I want to fix everything, but I've learned that I can't make him do things he doesn't want to do.  I also have a tremendous amount of guilt...guilt over an ending marriage, guilt over possibly hurting my children (let's be honest, divorce will hurt, but I hope that it will never be detrimental to them), and guilt that I let myself become an enabler.  When did that happen?!?

Anyway, to make a very long story short, I recently signed the  I just need to find the strength to turn them in.  This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  My heart breaks over and over again every time I think about it and where we've ended up.  And honestly, in my heart of hearts I hope and pray that in time things will work themselves out and we'll end up together again.  But for now, I need to do what's best for me and what's best for the kids.

Wish me luck.  And pray for strength...for all of us.